Yesterday I went to see The Wackness. The best way to see a movie is to suddenly decide when you walk past that you actually have enough money to go; you don’t have that 2 for one voucher on you that you were given the other day, but you do have your invalid student card which will work so you can get concessions anyway, and if you are with a buddy you can sharesies snacks so you don’t have to make a choice between pick n’ mix and nachos and can legitimately get the biggest coke EVER.
‘Pineapple Express’ and the new Coen brothers movie ‘Burn after Reading’ were the trailers, so I pretty much had high expectations for the film although I kind of wished I’d just gone to see Pineapple Express, the ‘thug life’ bit in the ad was perfectly delivered and I like that guy from knocked up, hes got great comic timing too.
I can’t really sum it up better than this, which someone on IMDb wrote: It’s the summer of 1994, and the streets of New York are pulsing with hip-hop. Set against this backdrop, a lonely teenager named Luke Shapiro spends his last summer before university selling marijuana throughout New York City, trading it with his unorthodox psychotherapist for treatment, while having a crush on his stepdaughter.
The graffiti thread used throughout is a little tenuous, it’s not about graffiti and there are two tags done in the whole film but I think this is mainly used to emphasise the ‘hip-hop NY’ idea. It is clear that they tried hard to direct and market this as a ‘cool movie’ which makes me a little bit sceptical; an obvious example is that they drafted Method Man to play the kids Jamaican dealer but his accent is so overdone you can pretty much hear his vocal chords cringing as he talks, which confirms to me that he was cast for the wrong reasons. But I liked this move, the story is good and Ben Kingsley is funny as fuck, it would have made it better if Mary-Kate Olsen was a little more awkward but I was watching her like a hawk and her acting was pretty non-eventful. I felt a mixture of happy and sad when I left the cinema and a little bit ill too because I figure if your gonna spend six pounds on a nacho combi meal you might as well spend an extra quid and supersize it.
The misfits are the best. There is no reason that you should not listen to them, and, unlike a bunch of other bands the more you find out about them the more you like them. I hate it when you google a band or go on their website and what you thought was a group of tough guys turns out to be a bunch of fat guitar nerds. I guess this happens mostly with metal bands and they’re probably allowed to be like that because most of them are. It would also probably be fine if they actually were like fuck the world, I love to hate and I don’t give a fuck what I look like, but its actually more like: I rock at shredding and video games but I don’t know how to go about talking to girls or doing exercise. I bet their really nice and their oafish charm wins you over but I just don’t believe that their hearts are into death and satanic rituals, it is just not enough. Jerry Only had a cage fight with Dr Death, he is a big guy, so is Doyle, they look like skeletons and they mean it and I do believe that they live in a castle made of skulls and they tone it down for us. I don’t think they have any clothes that aren’t metal or leather; I reckon they probably chill in stainless steel tracksuits and take their skin off when they go to bed. That said I reckon their of the ‘kind misunderstood’ variety of monster that fucking love kittens and happily baby-sit for their friends kids (despite the ‘I killed a baby today’ thing, there is no excuse for a parent to leave their child with that.); but to look at they just fit the bill. The music videos they made are the best too. Nothing ‘clever’ about it, just 2-minute zombie flicks and them jamming in their ‘castle of doom’ where they all live together, happily, drinking from human skulls. The ‘scream’ video is the best because of the very end so you have to watch it all the way through.
SCREAM
AMERICAN PSYCHO
JERRY ONLY vs. DR DEATH – Jerry doesn’t win but the rest of them baste his opponents mate in BBQ sauce.
If you were one of those kids that didn’t have a tree house when you were younger you probably still want one. I don’t know if there will ever come a time when I don’t want to live in a tree house full time and I don’t mean one of those ones with plumbing and electricity that’s basically a house a little bit off the ground, but one that is rickety and really high up with a trap door. My dream home has graduated from Swiss family Robinson style living with a spiral staircase inside the trunk (which I still think is the best) with ostriches and zebras and shit; to a more realistic; probably when I was old enough to realise that there are no zebras in England and that I did not want to hang out with my family; retreat tree house idea where I could smoke and play cards and talk about finding dead bodies with my pals like in Stand by Me. When I started to watch horror movies tree houses took on another function: I’m the worst with scary films my imagination just runs away with me; at the time its fine, they’re fun to watch and I normally suggest it but later when I go to bed I realise there are fucking loads of monsters in the world and most of them live in the corridors of my house and when I finally fall into an uneasy sleep, head full of the most fucked up things, expecting a cold hand to claw my shoulder like in that poem the raven, I almost always have zombie dreams. Typically I am one of the only remaining humans on earth and always the only way to get away from the zombies is to hide in a tree house, it is the weirdest thing but my zombies can never look up so the higher the better. Just in case this ever happens to come true this is the place we all should head:
That is the spindliest little branch I have ever seen
These are owned by a Papua New Ginean tree tribe they pack up sticks every three years so theres gotta be some spare ones around. Either way i’m thinking of setting something like this up in a buddy’s garden:
At the moment when you go to the msn website, which is my home website, they have a news story about the opening of ‘Ripleys London Odditorium’: the newest edition to Ripley’s empire of the strange. They’ve got a bunch of them in the states and I bet the buildings probably look a hell of a lot cooler than the Trocadero centre and the weak dollar means its probably cheaper, but fuck it I’m going to go for sure. Yeah it would definitely be better if there were real people instead of models, but if this newspaper cartoonist turned ’Indiana Jones style’ artefact collector Mr Ripley is as good as they say he is then I bet it’ll be fucking awesome anyway, I’m told they have a mirror maze too and I figure I’m finally old enough to master its tricks and not go running headlong into the mirrors like I used to.
As soon as I saw the little hairy faced chap that provides the link from msn to the Odditorium website I also got to thinking of all the things I would put in an Odditorium if I were to make one here are some of them:
2 Headed Girl – On first inspection I was like fuck off that that is CLEARLY two kids in the same jumper, then I realised it wasn’t and just thought ‘this is amazing please tell me its true.’I hate people who think their jokers and put really well done fake videos on youtube, dupe you into thinking its real and then shatter your dreams. I guess I am so sensitive about it due to my ‘real ghost hunting video’ days and there are a lot of fuckers involved in that shit. Anyway it is true and they have the science in the video to back it up: I guess technically it is just a form of Siamese twin-ism but to look at it is essentially a two headed girl, and that’s good enough for me.
One question in this basically sums him up: BME: Facial tattoos are a big step from “regular” tattoo placement. How long had you thought it through before you started your facial tattoos?
Never really had to think about it… I’ve been white trash my whole life…
Tree-Man – To be honest I wouldn’t put this guy in any kind of sideshow he has had enough of everything. It would feel like dressing a dog up – their sad eyes suck all the fun out of it.
This is a comment left on a blog post about hating Agyness Deyn; some dickhead who wanted everyone to know that he hung out with her one time but tried to cloak it as a bold attempt to stand up for her honour, was totally ripped to shreds. I wish i knew who the second guy was i would like to shake his hand.
Jey Says: May 2, 2008 at 11:24 pm I had the pleasure of meeting Agnes several times and I have to say youre wrong. She is a great girl and I am really happy she’s doing well. I had a hilarious time doing a photo shoot with her in Bricklane one evening. We had this great shot where for some reason she was pulling down my trowsers while i was pulling on a dog lead that was around her neck . Agnes If you happen to read this, feel free to shoot me an email jeyhicks@gmail.com I would love to have a chat.Jey
blah Says: May 5, 2008 at 9:14 pm jey, the very fact that you were in bricklane means that your probably a little hipster gob shite who hasnt done a days work in their life, probably too busy playing with dog leads in the “rough” yet “authentic” east end, where daddy has bought a “real” warehouse space for you to make some sort of contraversial art in. and by the way, agnes isnt going to drop you a line because shes probably to busy cutting up the next one on a cistern in some trendy new bar.
Prince Charles cinema is the best, if you pay 10 pounds to be a member for a year it costs 1.50 after with 10% of at concessions stand:
Plus you feel kind of distinguished when you go by yourself because you get the feeling film buffs go there and there is only one quiet dim lit screen so people cant see you sit down by yourself. Unlike in a fucking odeon where the usher basically points out that you’re alone and you get to wedge yourself between couples and families and spend the whole time wishing you hadn’t come but feeling like you have to stick it out.
I get this feeling when I stumble across a weird website – like the computers got a real good memory and its gonna let people know what your up to if you start to investigate, but normally the intrigue wins through and I bite the bullet. Trouble is nine times out of ten these sites are the best and then I kind of have to tell someone about it anyway.
Describing this website about kids who kill that I found was met with a bad reception by mum; there was literally no-one else around to tell so I had to make a tough call and this time it didn’t pay off and mum shifted from foot to foot and looked uncomfortable during and after dinner and point blank refused to listen to some of the interesting stories I had picked up.
. Agnes If you happen to read this, feel free to shoot me an email 
